可不可以爱我 by 卢学叡

为什么如此的安静

为什么明明想靠近 却还在迟疑

努力的我保持镇定 努力开拓话题

最后却溃不成军

为什么如此的美丽

深刻的烙在心里 最温柔的酷刑

每一天无法不想你

连闭上眼睛 怎么都是你

你可不可以爱我 可不可以想我

虽然我对自己没有一点的把握

别害怕我难过

告诉我你真实的感受

至少忐忑能告一段落

你可不可以爱我 可不可以看我

反正看或不看 我依然失魂落魄

成全不是美德 拒绝也不是一种罪过

你能给我 快乐还是寂寞

facing the friendship chart in front of me, a bunch of don't-know-when-last-washed shoes on my left, my COSY bed on my right, and a flat white wall behind me. Where am i? Yeah~~ J1323, alone, literally. It seems that i am the first to come back to a dusty, and humid unit in J Block. Well~~~ at least i got the internet. *smirk* Have lots to do yet. Refill water, refill my stomach, and then MY BRAIN. Trials in 1 week and i was like wtf-ed. Got D for my P3 =D *smile* mathematics is the hardest subject of all as you will never get questions like 1+1=? rather, it's a+b=? *how else would i know* Go and ask the Prophet =p *smile* Yearns for a McChicken now. see ya =p

I am back ^^

Stealing a moment in the morning to blog. Yeah, i am. though i may not have updated anything for so long. But now, yeah i am. =D15 minutes more to rush for a bus. On second thought, it's worth reminiscing the many many months that i underwent. Gotten my results, and surprisingly and unexpectedly, a 4 flat. In this context, a real 4 flat for my AS result. Sounds funny yet intriguing since i have been playing the whole 2 semester and by Lady Luck's blessing, i am here today =D Apart of that, my life is so dull. No more football, misses KLT, yearning the gathering we had before. Of course, i have learnt the way that the Sun still rise, the Earth still revolve no matter how bad my situation is. Learnt the way of accepting weaknesses and embracing with love. ^^ Kudos to everyone that have succeeded in life and for those who haven't, do not ever feel down as there's always a better tomorrow ^^

Lost and Found?

it's been so long since i blogged. Been through a lot, enjoy a lot, and learnt a lot too. I remember i lost my handphone once, left in the bus. i panicky searched high and low for it, but still nowhere to be found. frustrated enough, i called the bus driver, and luckily, it was there, on the chair~ ^^ but life does not always so smooth and fate does not go with your liking. This is only one of the rarest example where you could find what you have lost. things lost are usually remain lost. Sometimes, no matter how hard you tried, how deep u resent, how regretful you are, you cannot changed the fact that those things are lost, for ever. It's like when you are driving a car through a distance, as you go on, the petrol is going to be depleted. And then, you have to refill it. But ask yourself will the petrol totally the same as the one u have used and LOST? no, things don't go like that, the world doesn't revolve around you, that's such a selfish act. It's not like a child throwing a tantrum, push away his favourite dog yesterday, and play with it today just because he want to. It's just a waste of time to think like that. Doesn't the dog have the slightest feeling at all just because you, the Homo sapien, thought you are superior than a dog? It is him who do not want the company of the dog at first, so why regret that if one day the dog just get fed up and go away? Doesn't dog have his own pride? If regret over something can change a thing in this world, the only i regret is that i do not handle things well enough, such as that i do not handle my handphone well. So all in all, life is just not about gaining or losing, it's just all about learning something and never do it again ^^

AS AS AS AS~~~

AS in 2 more days and i am here, stealing a moment from revising mathematics and biology, to blog. It's been a long time since i last blog, so it's time to catch up some of the recent info. First of all, nothing new, the long-awaited AS exam is on the way. JPA requirement is not high, but of course, it's not easy for intermediate level of me xD been playing around and now revising everything in the very last minute. Hope can get 4A flat. ^^ Second on the list would be, maybe most of you haven't know yet, my whole family is moving up to somewhere in KL, which also means i won't be back to BP as frequent anymore. =( kind of sad as i hafta leave behind everything that i am familiar for the last 18 years. New life here ^^ However, that also means i would have the chance to go back home every weekend next time ^^ provided i know the public transportation to the new house xD Don't jealous ya =p haha~ 

I think that's all for now, really lazy to blog anyway~~~ wish me luck in my AS ya ^^ thanks =p

i am not insane ~~~

String theory basically states that all objects including everything on Earth is made up of atoms. And as we know, atoms are made up of protons, neutrons and electrons. What's made them then? Quarks. Then, what happen when we sliced up a quarks? Energy. But as complicated as it may seems, we do know by physics and chemistry that energy is just an abstract thing human use to define the feeling we felt when being touched and is always in calculation form. You can never really see energy right? or is that you haven't discovered it? Let's say, energy made up the quarks and quarks made everything on the Earth, the notebook you are using now, the book you are reading... But if it is so, then we can say Energy=Quarks=Atoms. Then, we do know that energy is everything. But of our science understanding (or that my understanding in science is too shallow) since energy is abstract, then how come now whatever we are seeing now is so concrete if everything is made up of the abstract - energy?

If you already understand the concept, then let's apply to human's lives. If all atoms are unreal, then what are us? You may feel unacceptable now. Then maybe you might as well close this window now as the rest of the concept are going to make you mad if broad-minded is not your choice ^^ By string theory and M-theory, there are, on calculation, 10 or 11 dimensions in the universe. I myself believe in the 23 dimensions. But as we know, a straight line is 1D, x and y axis means 2D, then we are 3D. Then where is the 4th and so on? Einstein   proposed the 4th dimensions should be the time. But regardless of anything, we, 3D could see things in 3D to 1D. So, could we said that there are other people in 4D could see us too but we cannot see them otherwise? It's worth the thinking~

Back to the topic again, if i said we all all nothing since all of us are made up of energy which is abstract, then what are us? Remember how the Big Bang theory explained? The explosion of a high-energy atom that exploded and keep expanding, creating new planets on the edge of it's expansion. And so prokaryotes evolved due to favourable conditions, and so after billions of years, here we are. That's yet another theory - Darwin's theory of evolution, which i will just skip it. So, now the Universe is sill expanding and expanding. But as we know, every atom will exert a gravitational force on another atom. Something like that in basic. So, now when new planets are formed, more atoms are formed. There will be one day that the sum of all the gravitational pull > expansion force. So the Universe will undergoes shrinking and back to the origin point again. 

Yet again, what i am going to say is that if all of these things are unreal, then why are humans always pursuing things that never existed? What should be the last thing on our mind when we breathe last? We were born, study, get a job, work hard to build a family, earn as much money as we can and then we are on the edge of our life. If we think like that, aren't humans are the one who always creating complications and then try to simplify everything? First of all, are there words in the basis world? Human created it. Are alphabets even existed if no human made it in the first place? What is time? Is time existed too? time is also the after-effect of human to explain the nature since by definition, time is the 1/3.8x10^8 of the speed of light. And yet again, what is light? Light is made up of photons. Yet again, all in all, everything is just the abstract - energy. If it is so, why are human still so obstinate to try to conspire even to the extent of harming other human beings' just for thee sake of own benefits? Aren't they only pursuing the unreal? Even if they really do get the things that they want, is it even the real thing in the first place? 

色即是空，空既是色. Buddha saying by the way. It means everything that exist is actually nothing, and nothing is also everything that existed. Doesn't this sychronized with all the research human had done? 

In the end, ask yourself, who should be the cause of everything that happen? i could only answer, you will know when you reached that stage of life ^^ haha~

@_@

Am running away recently. Changed to another class just to avoid everything else. Madam did told me that by doing this is going to arose everyone's curiosity and gossips will start. I said, 'Undeniable'. And so, i get the change. But why am i so still so stress now? Guess i haven't think myself out of the damn box. *sigh* I know i am the one in the wrong all the while. But now, i am still discontented with the accusation of me being selfish by changing class. Am i always so selfish all along? To what extent should i sacrificed and endured would i be said i am not selfish? I am changing class so that i can concentrate in the lecture... am i wrong? i am selfish just because i want to set my mind to study? and even the accusation of i am making the problem worsened... am i? i thought we have sorted everything out that time. I ask for forgiveness and got denied. I ask for time to control my emotion and yet i was forbidden even to the extent not being your friend anymore. And now, i want to leave everything else and leave to restart my study life, i am selfish again? i always believe a man should give in and compromise to a girl. Yet again, what obligations do the society gave to girls? none. Is it that i must endure my partially concentration in class and get a low grade so that i am generous? If you have really think on my side, nothing of all these words would ever come out =( i am selfish even though i have been enduring this feeling for months and respecting your decision. Yet all i got is just all the accusations and hurting comments from everyone. If madam were to ask me again the same question, i think i will just reply, "Unbearable". All i want is just your understanding and nought is what i have gotten so far. Always reminding myself studying is the priority, but with all these, how am i going to ever concentrate? =( Fine then, since to you, i am always the bad guy, the irresponsible, the selfish, the childish guy anyway.... i just need to let off my steam that has been undermined for so long.... So long as you are happy, fine then.....