On the brisk of dying...

one week more to SPM result and i am still unsure of what to study after this. Feel so pathetic. Been study for 11 years and i just discovered that i have been studying for the sake of studying. Whenever ppl asked me of my own interest, i just went dumb and deaf. Not because i was trying to keep it a secret, neither am i being arrogant, but it's just i, too am ignorant of it. Some say medicine is a sure for me. But i have been thinking whether i could be a good doctor as i know doctor is not an occupation, rather it's a commitment - for a lifetime. Being a doctor means spending most of your time with patients. Being a doctor means depriving your own time wih your family. Doctor has been my aim since i began my Form 5 studies..maybe..but now i realize that i may not be up to it. And so, i am stunned. Pursuing a dream for almost a year and now it's all becoming a dream or rather, a nightmare to me. If not doctor, what should i study? I always score bad in my chemistry and i don't like physics. Lawyer is out too. And another problem is that Pre-U studies. Facing a great dealt of financial problem. If i could not get a scholarship to sustain my tuition fees, the only road left is STPM - which is also the last route i would take cause i know STPM is no more an easy exam. A-level in private U is the best option but also undeniable the most expensive route to take, which has been limited to me. Came to no conclusion after thinking hard for several days. What to do next?
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